One would think that I'd come to terms with it. My parents getting divorced, leaving my childhood home ad my family splitting up.
I thought I had come to terms with it, but I haven't.
Since february I've been burying myself in work, school and other arrangements. I've been trying to not cry the whole time, but whenever I sit down and think even for at little while, the tears start falling.
The funny thing is, yesterday one of my good friend asked me if I was okay with it all, and normally I'd say yes and smile and just do what I do best; pretend.
But I didn't, I said "no, I'm not" and he didn't know what to say, in fact he didn't say anything.
So yet again my friends don't know how to help me handle my problems. Don't get me wrong, I have the best friends ever, but I still feel alone all the time. And I'm so damn jealous you wouldn't dream about it. I want to be them, I want not to be me 'cause it's so damn hard all the time.
I feel like I'm breaking down, the safe walls which have held me together are crumbling and I can't do anything about it.

And for the first time in my life, I'm not even remotely excited about my birthday. My mom asked me why I was angry - it's my birthday tomorrow, and I lied and said I'm not angry I'm just tired.
Truth is, I'm angry as hell, I have nothing to celebrate and I just can't come to terms with that fact.

I sometimes wish everything would fast forward, I can't shake this feeling that I'll end up broken.
I can hear them arguing even with two doors between us.
"She almost died!" my dad is saying "I'm seeing the same signs right now"
And the worst part is he's not even seeing anything. The reason I'm not participating in this family? There is no family. There's me and my brother, nothing else really matters.
Everything I do is wrong, and my school's not important to him any longer apparently.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle

I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in this sea of unknown information.

If seems to me, that the more I search, the less I find, the more I look the less I see and the more I know, the less I understand...

Life moves pretty fast. 

If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it

I probably could do better, but I won't. I will simply not kill myself trying. I'd much rather enjoy where I am now.

I have so many things that bring me down; My parents are getting divorced, I might or might not reach my dreams, my cousins might not be okay all the time, I'm worrying that my brother isn't as strong as he seems to be..

But then, life would be so sad, if I only focused on the bad stuff. Once in an while I remember how lucky I am. I have extraordinary friends, my grandmother is lovely, I have extra families in both England, America and Italy who loves me very much. I'm not sick, and I'm doing pretty well in school.

Things are probably going to turn out okay after all

Sometimes, just to tell everyone who told I'd never make it, I walk to the edge, put my hands over my head and yell 

"I did it!"

Hiding in my amor, better on my own
Crush me like a flower, throw me like a stone
Give away protection, suddenly I see, suddenly a different me

I wanna love love love my future man,
So show me there is hope for future plans
I used to be so cynical, now I'm just prototypical
I wanna love love love my future man,
So show me there is hope for future plans
I used to be so cynical, now I'm just prototypical


This is a great song, which just came out in my country!

They're getting divorced...

 the ironic thing? 

They told us on valentines day

Be careful what you wish for...

You might just get it

Hope is the thing that severs your survival